The Bride Who Ran Away Read online

  Sean sighed.

  “Yes.”

  6

  Melissa had thought about it hard and long but living near Sean and not being able to tell him what she felt was too much. So she had done the only thing that felt right. She had prayed and each time she did the same idea came to her mind.

  She had spoken to Mary who had tried to talk her out of it but she knew this was the right move. Seeing Sean was too painful and knowing he would never love her was more angst than she could cope with.

  She was leaving tomorrow evening. Though it had been planned part of her had never thought it would happen. It had been a week since she had made people aware that she was leaving San Francisco, and Sean hadn’t approached her. If anything, it was like he was keeping his distance... that hurt... surely they were still friends.

  Things had happened much faster than she had hoped and Melissa’s heart was feeling heavier as time ticked on. She didn’t want to go to a nunnery. It had felt like her only choice and though Mary had tried to talk her out of it she had done so with little of her normal enthusiasm. Maybe the pregnancy was preying on her friend or maybe she agreed with Melissa’s choice.

  It was with a sad heart that Melissa began packing her things. She wasn’t looking forward to moving. Her friends were here. She had felt a vague sense of family where she wasn’t the main carer for the first time in her life. And had her first experience of love. Now that was all disappearing.

  Then she thought about how her money was almost gone. She couldn’t afford to pay the rent for much longer. She had no choice and at the nunnery everything would be provided for her. She would be able to heal her broken heart.

  Even so, Melissa was beginning to wish she hadn’t agreed to this now.

  She was packing the last of her things when there was a knock at her door. It was more than likely her landlady telling her that dinner was ready. Melissa was starving and opened the door... but it wasn’t the older woman in the hallway.

  Melissa stared at Sean, wondering if she was seeing things.

  “Sean? What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to see you.” Sean hesitated.

  His hair was untidy, and he looked uncomfortable. He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I have heard some news that I found rather… distressing.”

  Melissa took a deep breath and stepped aside.

  “Come in.”

  Sean looked like he wasn’t going to cross the threshold, but he did. Melissa shut the door behind him, hovering near it. She didn’t trust herself to go close to him.

  Sean nodded at the door.

  “You’re not worried about people seeing me come in?”

  Melissa smiled.

  “You’re the pastor. I hardly think they’re going to think anything untoward is going to happen.”

  “Right.”

  Why did he look disgruntled about that? Melissa approached him, still keeping her distance. Being this close to him had her heart racing.

  “What is it, Sean? Why are you here?”

  “I heard you were planning on going to a nunnery.”

  Melissa grunted.

  “News travels fast.”

  “Everyone’s talking about it. But I heard about it from you.” Sean pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “I overheard you and Bryony talking about it a few weeks ago.”

  So, he had been listening. And it had taken him weeks to approach her about it. Melissa folded her hands in front of her.

  “I think it’s best for everyone. I can’t find myself a husband, and I have nothing left for me in Philadelphia, as you well know. Maybe it’s best that I leave.”

  “I see.” Sean shuffled from foot to foot. Then he began to pace. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

  “Why would I tell you?”

  “You told me everything before.”

  Melissa sighed.

  “This isn’t something I can really discuss.”

  Sean gave her an incredulous look.

  “Are you serious? After everything we’ve talked about, telling me about your father and the abuse you and your siblings suffered at his hands, you think this is something you can’t discuss?”

  “That didn’t sound right, I know. I just…” Melissa stopped herself.

  Mary had told her not to explain herself beyond saying that she was leaving. She didn’t need to get herself tied in knots trying to explain how she felt. “My mind has already been made up, Sean. I didn’t want you to talk me out of it. You’re very good at that.”

  “Good at what?” Sean looked surprised. “You mean good at talking you out of things?”

  “You’re a very persuasive man when you want to be, Sean.”

  “I can’t talk to people. Unless God’s involved, I can’t. My services I can manage. Normal conversation... especially with an attractive woman... well, that I’m not good at.”

  Melissa smiled.

  “You manage with me.”

  “And that feels like a miracle.” Sean rubbed his hands over his face with a heavy sigh. “When are you going?”

  “Tomorrow night to St Catherine’s.”

  “I know the place. The abbess there is a nice woman. She’ll look after you.”

  So, he wasn’t here for... Melissa’s heart sank. He wouldn’t be trying to talk her out of it. It was like he didn’t see the point. Her chest began to tighten, and she felt the tears well up. Melissa turned away.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know you wanted more from me, but I have to do this for myself.”

  “Melissa?”

  She heard Sean move behind her. He touched her shoulder.

  “Are you crying?”

  “No, of course not.” Melissa swiped at her eyes as a tear escaped. “I’ve just got something in my eye.”

  Just as she thought, Sean wasn’t going to say anything. He didn’t love her as she had secretly hoped. Now her life was over and she was going to have to dedicate it to God.

  Hands laid on her shoulders, making Melissa start. But Sean didn’t pull away. Instead, he gently pulled her close, resting his head against hers. She could feel his breath on her ear.

  “It’s going to be all right,” he murmured, squeezing her shoulders. “You’re going to be all right.”

  Melissa knew she was toeing a line. All she needed to do was turn around and kiss him. He was so close; the temptation was strong. But that would just make things worse if he pushed her away.

  Swallowing hard, Melissa shrugged him off and stepped away, hurrying to the door. She opened it, averting her eyes.

  “I think you’d better go, Pastor Foster,” she whispered. Her voice was shaking.

  Sean was silent. For a moment, he didn’t move. Then he approached her, stepping past her and onto the threshold. That was when he stopped, turning back to look at her.

  “Will I see you before you go?”

  Melissa looked down at his feet. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him again; one look would have her bursting into tears.

  “I don’t know,” she mumbled. “Maybe.”

  Before, Melissa would have given anything to have Sean tell her how much he loved her. Now, she would have given anything for him to leave. But he just wasn’t moving.

  Finally, after what felt like an age, Sean left. He didn’t say anything, and Melissa could hear him striding down the hall. She shut the door, resting her head on the wood.

  That was when she burst into tears.

  7

  He had messed it up. Sean had gone to Melissa’s room with a speech in mind, but as soon as he saw Melissa and the determination in her eyes, along with the tears, he had lost his nerve. A lot. Now he found himself backing out, and almost running away.

  He had been a fool to think he could finally get the courage to tell Melissa how he felt. Mary had been dubious that he would actually follow through on his word. She had been right to worry; whenever it came to Melissa, Sean was turned upside-down.

  Now Melissa was
really leaving, and Sean had made a mess of everything. She had so little and he could understand her reasoning. Especially as she had become so peaceful in the church. Now she would give her life to God and he knew he should be pleased but he wanted her for himself and he felt as if he had let her down. At least if he had the courage to talk to her then she would have an informed choice.

  All he could think about was the look in her eyes. It was a look of despair... had he caused it... or was it just her feeling hopeless? It was affecting him so much that he was struggling to play cards on his regular cards night with Gareth Stanier. Sean was losing so many match-sticks that he was down to his last three. Gareth looked like he was building a timber yard.

  He groaned when Gareth threw down a straight flush, slamming his own cards onto the table.

  “Not again!”

  Gareth laughed and gathered up the match-sticks. “I think I’m going to be wiping you clean.”

  “Don’t think so,” Sean grunted, pushing his remaining match-sticks away. “I’m folding already. No more.”

  “Come on, Sean! You’ve never been a sore loser.”

  “Yes, I have. I’m just one of those people who swallows it and grins to pretend I’m not upset.” Sean reached for the coffee pot from the stove behind him. He poured a cup and then reached for the whiskey bottle. “But tonight, I just don’t care.”

  Before he could grab the bottle, Gareth snatched it away from him.

  “Hey! Give that back!”

  Sean tried to swipe the bottle back, but Gareth kept it out of reach.

  “No, no alcohol for you.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because drinking yourself into a stupor is not going to help you at all.”

  Sean glowered at him.

  “I don’t care.”

  Gareth stared at the pastor. He shook his head.

  “I don’t know what’s got into you, Sean. Is this about Melissa again?”

  “I don’t want to discuss Melissa.”

  “So, it is about her.” Gareth put the bottle on the floor by his feet. “Did you tell her, then?”

  “What do you think?” Sean grumbled. He put his head in his hands, elbows on the table. “Mary said she had a plan, but I wanted to try and do it myself. And I lost my nerve. I went to see Melissa and I… I found that I couldn’t.”

  Gareth shook his head and sat back, scratching at his head as he yawned.

  “You are a fool.”

  “You think I don’t know that? I preach about honesty and always being truthful to my congregation every Sunday. And I can’t even do it myself. I feel like a fraud. And now Melissa’s leaving.”

  “You can always follow Mary’s plan. She knows what to do with this.”

  Sean wasn’t sure about that. Mary had told him her plan, and he didn’t like it. It wasn’t something he was comfortable doing. But it was starting to look like the outlandish option was the only option left.

  “Look, trust her,” Gareth urged. “Mary’s very good at this sort of thing.”

  Sean snorted. “You would say that. You’re her husband.”

  “And I’ve learned my place.” Gareth chuckled. Then he sobered. “But, seriously, Mary will know what to do. She’s surprisingly very astute with these type of problems.”

  Sean didn’t doubt that. He just wasn’t sure that he could take the advice himself. After taking care of himself for several years, being dependent on just himself, taking advice from someone else didn’t sit well with him.

  “It makes me feel like a fool, Gareth.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m following a woman’s advice when I can’t even follow my own.”

  “You’re not a fool, Sean. It’s not a bad thing to ask for help. There are times when you need to swallow your pride and ask... I believe it even says so in the Bible.”

  Sean chuckled.

  “I can stand up in front of a packed church and talk about God.” Sean sat back, flicking a match-stick across the table. “Why can’t I tell one woman that I love her?”

  “It’s a different scenario, but I understand where you’re coming from. It took a while for me to admit it to Mary, even though we were already married. We just…” Gareth shrugged. “Fell into the routine.”

  Sean scowled. That was no help at all.

  “Love,” he grumbled. “It’s an emotion that gets you into trouble every time.”

  “I know. But it’s a good emotion when you get it right.”

  “I highly doubt that I’m going to get this right.”

  Gareth rolled his eyes and rapped his hand on the table.

  “Come on, Sean, stop being such a defeatist. Tell my wife that you’ll do as she says. It’s better to follow her advice than ignore her. She won’t let you live it down. Believe me, I know.”

  Sean smirked. “Woe betide anyone who ignores advice from a heavily pregnant woman.”

  “Exactly. I’ve learned it the hard way.” Gareth gathered the cards and placed them in front of Sean. “Your turn to deal.”

  “But I didn’t win.”

  “I’m feeling sorry for you. Now, deal.”

  8

  “This feels so strange.” Bryony said as she helped Melissa put her bags into the wagon. “I can’t believe you’re going. I will miss you so much.”

  Melissa sat huddled on the porch of the boarding house, wrapped in a shawl. The moment had arrived when she had to leave. She didn’t want to go, but she couldn’t live there for nothing forever. It wasn’t fair and there were no men that could make her stay... not now her heart was breaking. When she first came out here she hadn’t expected love. All she wanted was a decent man and the chance of a better life and children. She knew she would love her children. For a moment she wondered if she should have accepted one of the other men who wanted to be her husband... only the thought of seeing Sean and being married to someone else made her heart bleed. She couldn’t do it.

  She had cried all her tears, and now she was just feeling numb. Melissa didn’t know what to do anymore. She felt as if she had no choice and yet it hurt so much to leave her new friends.

  “I don’t want to go,” she mumbled.

  “You what?” Bryony had come over to stand in front of her at that point. She stared at her. “What do you mean, you don’t want to go?”

  “I don’t want to go.”

  “Then why are you going?”

  “Because I thought I had no choice.” Melissa sighed heavily. “I gave my word and now I wish I hadn’t agreed to it.”

  Bryony looked confused. She sat beside her friend, tucking her skirt around her knees.

  “You’re not making any sense, Melissa. What are you talking about? No choice?”

  “I can’t live here without an income and I don’t have an income without a husband.”

  “Why didn’t you accept... this is about Sean?”

  Melissa nodded miserably.

  “Yes. I couldn’t live here and see him because I love him so much.” She looked down at the ground, aware that the driver of the horse and wagon Mary had found for her was waiting for her. “Sean doesn’t care for me in the way I care for him. It hurts too much to be near him and now I have to leave.”

  “What?” Bryony started. “You didn’t tell him how you feel?”

  “No.”

  “You should have.”

  “You don’t understand. I’ve seen it in his eyes. He doesn’t feel that way for me. When I spoke to the Abbess she said that this is very common. That many women come to the order in these circumstances and that they can live a fulfilled life. That is what I want now.”

  “Oh, Melissa.” Bryony put her arms around Melissa. “What are you going to do now?”

  “I’m going to have to go. There’s no other choice for me... nothing here for me... and my heart can’t take much more.”

  “You could always stay here.”

  “No I can’t.” Melissa felt her throat beginning to close. “I can’t stay here, anywa
y, if I’m near the man I love, and he refuses to show me anything. It’s painful.”

  She was going to end up crying again if she wasn’t careful. Melissa would rather stay numb instead of crying. At least she could keep herself together, relatively.

  “Oh, honey.” Bryony rubbed her back. “I’m so sorry. Will you be allowed visitors?”

  “I don’t know.” Melissa clasped her friend’s hand. “I’ll let you know.”

  She had to get moving. Her driver was doing this out of the goodness of his heart, as a favor for Mary. He wouldn’t want to be kept waiting, and it was a long journey. Melissa stood and headed towards the wagon.

  Bryony followed her, pulling her friend into a hug.

  “Let me know when you get there.” Bryony kissed her forehead. “I love you, Melissa.”

  Melissa grunted.

  “At least somebody loves me.”

  “Don’t be silly. You’re always loved.”

  Melissa didn’t know about that. With the help of the driver she clambered up onto the seat of the wagon and settled down as the driver set the horses walking. Melissa settled, looked over her bags, and watched Bryony disappear around the corner. Why did it feel like she was leaving hope behind?

  The drive was bumpy, and it was already late evening when Melissa headed off. By the time they reached the woods, it was dark. She knew it would be long past midnight by the time they arrived at the nunnery. Mary had said she would write on ahead and let them know, but Melissa still faced this with apprehension.

  In some ways she was looking forward to the simple life. To the lack of emotion and since she had come here she had rekindled her relationship with God.

  The church had become her sanctuary, but was that because of her relationship with God or her admiration for the pastor?

  Melissa wondered how she could cope with the new life, the constant prayer, taking vows of silence or keeping things down to the bare minimum. While she admired those who were able to do that, she still wondered if it was right for her. And yet even up to last night when she had prayed it was what came to her mind.

  The wagon bumped around, but Melissa found herself getting drowsy. She had barely slept the night before, only falling asleep just before dawn. Now she felt her eyes closing, and she wrapped her shawl around her, settling down against her bags. Maybe a nap before she got to her destination would do her some good. Melissa had a feeling she would be needing all her strength for a few days, at least.